The Eternal City, a Roman Disneyland

Ah Rome, the Eternal City (or as Gilleasbuig called it, the Internal City). This should have been like a Fellini film as we sipped espressos in a neighbourhood cafe, took a stroll past the Trevi fountain where young Romans were preening themselves and promenading, before eating a wonderful pasta meal in a quiet restaurant washed down with a bottle of chianti. The reality was slightly different. Instead, we had a tourist cattle mart, the likes of which we had not seen since Ephesus and Luxor. The Trevi fountain is impressive, as are the Spanish steps, but both were hidden by waves of tour groups. The Coliseum is incredible but the thousands of other tourists detract from the experience.

Large numbers of tourists (and we are tourists too) do not spoil giant monuments like the pyramids, or huge natural sights like the Grand Canyon, as these sights dwarf the human dimension. In Rome, at every major tourist site, there are hordes of tourists, as well as numerous restaurants waiting to serve you average food and expensive wine, all in fluent English or any other of six major languages. We were even reduced to watching the football in a Scottish pub, as the Italian restaurants preferred Mexico vs Uruguay to South Africa vs France. I cannot understand this as French humiliation and ritual suicide are surely preferable to any Mexican victory.

Despite all of this (and this is my view rather than Elspeth's, as she loves Rome) we still had a great time. We rented an apartment close to the Vatican and were therefore off the tourist track in terms of accommodation. We had breakfast every day at our small neighbourhood cafe. Breakfast consisted of cappuccino, pain au chocolate, and a dazzling array of sandwiches which contained local cheeses and bread, and meat from assorted young animals. Anyone looking for halal or vegetarian food would struggle here.

The children were taken by Smart Cars which they had never seen before, although the original Smart Car, the Fiat 500, still exists.

Romans are either the best or the worst parkers in the world. You have never seen so many cars crammed into such small spaces. The result is that every car has scrapes on its wings, but parking by braille is clearly the norm.

And we saw all the major sites, just like the family in National Lampoon's Vacation. "Look kids, the Vatican/Pantheon/Trevi Fountain/Spanish Steps/Piazza Navarra/Coliseum etc etc"

OK everyone, smile. Where did that @***£** bus come from?